marriage

The Cure for the Hurting Heart

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I often speak to people who are hurting in their marriage. These words by Oswald Chambers are my new “go to” counsel. More than we need to see change in the other person, we need this vital change in our own understanding.

“… If we love someone, but do not love God, we demand total perfection and righteousness from that person, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; yet we are demanding of a human being something which he or she cannot possible give. There is only one Being who can completely satisfy to the absolute depth of the hurting human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship that is not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter [See John 2:24-25].  Our Lord’s confidence in God, and in what God’s grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that He never despaired, never giving up hope for any person. If our trust is placed in human beings, we will end up despairing of everyone.”

(My Utmost for His Highest: An Updated Edition. The Golden Book of Oswald Chambers. Edited by James Reinmann.)

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My Weakness is His Strength

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IMG_0048Jon and I recently returned home from a tour of Israel. This was an amazing opportunity for us and a blessing from the Father in heaven! I really desired that we would make this journey for our 25th wedding anniversary celebration, and the goodness of God ushered it right into our lives! I won the trip thirteen months in advance of taking it and only two months past our anniversary! To read more about our journey, you can click here to check out my post on Sharing Love and Truth.

In reality, the days of touring with scores of other people did not feel much like an anniversary celebration, but that is completely okay! The trip was designed for the masses, so with the masses we traveled and made new friendships in the process!

Leaving the east coast of the United States required a quick flight to Newark and then an overnight, ten-hour journey to Tel Aviv. Upon arrival to the hotel in Jerusalem, we quickly unpacked and headed out to explore the city. This was the opportunity that Jon and I had to enjoy the trip alone, since the official group tour would not begin until the following day.

We learned the route to a nearby light rail station and prepared to follow the directions of the hotel staff for finding cafés and shops. They were all very specific: do not get off the train at the next station; go past it to the next one. Not until later in the week did we understand the problem with the Damascus Gate site- if a lone terrorist attack was going to happen in Jerusalem, more than likely it would be in that vicinity.

In reality, Israel is a very safe nation and hundreds of thousands tour it every year. We spent most of our days on the streets and visiting numerous public sites, and never did we feel vulnerable.

At the train station near the hotel, Jon and I realized we couldn’t ride the train unless we had shekels to purchase tickets. We left the station and went back to the hotel to ask for the location of the nearest exchange. The front desk attendant pointed us in the direction of a neighborhood bank, but there we were turned away due to the fact that we weren’t account holders. At this point we began to walk. To where were we going? Neither of us knew, but Jon was persistent in his pursuit of a cash exchange location.

The first place we came to that offers the needed money-exchange service was closed. Now I was beginning to sense what Mary and Joseph experienced when they came south from Galilee! Of course, she was great with child, and I am not, so perhaps I’m exaggerating slightly! We continued to walk, and as Jon expected, we found the place we needed. Shekels in hand, we walked back to the hotel and started all over again!

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This one day of lone touring with Jon did sweeten our marriage, because I saw something in my husband that I had forgotten: He has a great resolve to finish what he starts! I told him at some point in all of our walking and searching, “I just want you to know that if you were not here, I would have given up on this adventure and gone back to the hotel a long time ago!” My personal hang-up is I want things to go efficiently, but ease and convenience escaped us when we were turned away at the neighborhood bank. Jon? He kept going after the goal!

It’s a good thing to stop and investigate the traits that your spouse possesses and you lack. I think the Lord delights in seeing us join together and becoming stronger than we were in our solitary state. And, a healthy dose of admiration never hurt any marriage relationship!

Here’s to many more adventures with the one you call, “Honey!”

Celebrating Marriage in Lynchburg, Va

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Jon and I hit a milestone this past week that we’re excited about- our 25th wedding anniversary! We’re having a great time as a married couple and decided to celebrate our joy from December to March! That’s okay, right?

We spent our actual anniversary night at the amazing Sanderling Resort in Duck, NC. Click here to read that post on Renee Beamer Harbor and Home.

Knowing we had a friend’s wedding to attend in Lynchburg a few days later, we planned another getaway in the historic district, and we are so glad we did! There are great running trails along the waterfront, and we had a lot of fun exploring new territory.

We highly recommend Craddock Terry Hotel in Historic Lynchburg. The former shoe factory has been reinvented as a perfect spot for couples seeking a romantic setting. They really pay attention to details, and the southern hospitality is evident. I was quite taken by the system used to deliver room service to guests: I indicated on the card my desire to have breakfast and left it with the wooden shoeshine box outside the door, and in the morning I was treated to a wonderful spread of fruit, yogurt, brie, jams and a croissant. Yummy! {My hubby prefers a more substantial breakfast, so we headed to Market at Main after the morning run!}

Another hotel perk is their full size bath products. Very nice!

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Our adventuring in Lynchburg included more than some great outdoor time. Because I’m married to the man that I am, CARS had to be a part of the fun! {Jon asked the owner of this Lamborghini if he could take a pic to share with our son.} We stumbled upon a storefront showcasing refurbished classics and learned that the antique car enthusiast’s collection extends beyond this building and city! Jon was awed by the report of multiple buildings that utilize car elevators and house hundreds of vintage vehicles.

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To our friends, the Bouldin family, Grace, and her husband of one day- thank you for including us in your momentous celebration! May this first day be a foretelling of the wonder of marriage that will capture your hearts all the years to come!

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(posted by Renee Beamer)

 

Grace Period

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“While I live in this home, I’m constantly reminded of the betrayal I went through in our marriage.”

My sister in Christ admits her weakness in overcoming the hurt that is real. She and her husband have already conquered some tough hurdles in their few years of marriage, but they’re committed to make it work and are holding one another accountable. Celebrate Recovery is a tool God is using to equip them for overcoming addictions and for open and honest communication about their struggles.

When the sting of lies and betrayal is still fresh upon you, it’s difficult to imagine a day when the negative circumstances of the past are not affecting the now. But it does come. The immediate is called a grace period. You are healing.

Right now, the pain is constant, and you desire escape. This is the ripest moment for your heart to latch on to the love of God. Precious lyrics from a worship song echo the soul’s longing:

“Lord, I need You, O, I need You. Every hour I need You. My one defense, my righteousness- O, God, how I need You.”1

You see, today’s daily bread is the portion of grace you need to move forward in restoration. Rather than think about what the coming days will hold, focus on today. It’s like a runner preparing for the NYC Marathon. She looks at the three-month training log and sees the figure 26.2 listed on race day, and it overwhelms her. She has never run any distance longer than 13.1. But today doesn’t require a distance of 26.2 miles. Day 1 of her training schedule indicates a three-mile run. That is doable.

What’s the significance? Your responsibility during the restoration process is to be faithful with the distance you must “run” today. And know this: God’s grace is sufficient for you to complete all that is before you. You don’t have to worry about that day three months from now. His grace will carry you. Today is your focus. Be found faithful with today.

And what about the home and all the reminders of struggle that it represents? Do not despise those scars, dear one. One day your home will stand as a trophy, because what the enemy meant for evil, God turned for good! You looked to Him and trusted in His sufficient grace for each day of the journey, and now you bear the mark of an overcomer! This will be your testimony! Your home representing a family in tact and rooted in love will be your trophy! Do not give up now! God’s grace is powerful, and you can get those feet moving in stride with the Holy Spirit who equips you to run.

“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

1 Maher, Matt. “Lord, I Need You.” All the People Said Amen. Essential Records, 2013.

(posted by Renee Beamer)

 

We Believe in Your Marriage

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We really believe in your marriage, and, at the same time, we believe that this event holds something amazing in store for your relationship. Sure, there are some little and fun things that will happen, but there are some really important and good things that no husband and wife should miss. We just don’t know how to emphasize it enough. YOU and YOUR SPOUSE should definitely come.

(posted by Renee Beamer)

 

How Do I Know if My Spouse and I Should Go?

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How to Investigate a Conference and Determine Your Participation Status 101

My goodness, this post might be the very first of its kind! I’m going to google it just to find out! 

As the Marriage Building Event host, I want to share with the public that I understand all the thought process required in committing to conference attendance. Not only am I in full-speed planning mode for a weekend catered to husbands and wives, but I am also investigating a conference for writers taking place a short two weeks after this one! I have been studying, praying and weighing the investment of hundreds of dollars, travel across two states, and days spent apart from my family. 

If you need some help with your decision-making, the following list may help!

  1. Determine interest level in the topic discussed.
  2. Check calendar for availability.
  3. Calculate total cost and compare with personal budget allowances for special events.
  4. Pray with confidence that God orders the steps of the righteous.
  5. Revisit promotional material and note the date for an increase in registration fee.
  6. Check hotel for availability.
  7. Read insights from previous years’ attendees.
  8. Look at website to see who will be speaking and their area of specialty.
  9. Consider childcare options, if needed.
  10. Determine if the conference topic is truly worth your investment.
  11. Commit. If it’s yes, register and reserve hotel. If it’s no, let it go and move on!

Hope this helps. I may be a little biased, but I don’t think you’ll ever regret being intentional about building your marriage! It’s $30/person (if you wait until the sale starting 9/20), not half of your monthly income. It’s October 2-3, a Friday evening and Saturday morning- very doable. And childcare? We’ve got that covered. Bring the littles with you! Yes, we had one couple drive about 500 miles last year, but chances are, the majority of our attendees are local, so you won’t have to factor in fuel or major travel expenses. So what are you waiting for? The sale to start? Good plan!

(posted by Renee Beamer)

 

Did I Marry the Right One?

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“If you are married, you’re married to the right one!” -Dr. David Jeremiah

Countless people have asked themselves if they married the right one. Many who find themselves in a season of disillusionment conclude that they must have made a mistake when selecting a lifelong partner.

Maybe you find yourself staring at your spouse and wondering, “Are you the one?” Scripture brings us insight on this very question! Although the surrounding circumstances had nothing to do with marriage, the question and the basis for the answer apply nicely to our context.

“When John heard in prison what Christ was doing, he sent his disciples to ask Him, ‘Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?'” (Matthew 11:2, emphasis added) It’s interesting that John should ask this, especially since he had already received revelation from God that Jesus was indeed the Lamb of God. He knew Jesus’ identity and declared it publicly prior to his arrest and imprisonment. However, human experience teaches us that discouraging events can leave a person disillusioned. In all honesty, John wanted to hear from Jesus, “Are you the one?”

How I love Jesus’ response! He tells John, in essence, “Believe upon the miracles!” Friend, if you’re asking God about your spouse being the one, hear Him respond the same to you: “Believe upon the miracle!” What miracle, you ask?

“…the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).

Do you know that the Holy Spirit emphasized this truth FIVE TIMES in the Word of God? He wants us to understand that God said one and never meant undone!

It’s time we abandon the question, “Did I marry the right one?” It is unhealthy to even entertain such thoughts. Give your marriage to God, for He does all things well. In fact, the power to restore is His specialty! Trust Him for this work in your life.

(posted by Renee Beamer)