I often speak to people who are hurting in their marriage. These words by Oswald Chambers are my new “go to” counsel. More than we need to see change in the other person, we need this vital change in our own understanding.
“… If we love someone, but do not love God, we demand total perfection and righteousness from that person, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; yet we are demanding of a human being something which he or she cannot possible give. There is only one Being who can completely satisfy to the absolute depth of the hurting human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship that is not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter [See John 2:24-25]. Our Lord’s confidence in God, and in what God’s grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that He never despaired, never giving up hope for any person. If our trust is placed in human beings, we will end up despairing of everyone.”
(My Utmost for His Highest: An Updated Edition. The Golden Book of Oswald Chambers. Edited by James Reinmann.)